Three Reasons Family Stories Get Lost

Why is information about our ancestors lost to future generations?  Here's 3 reasons that had an impact on my own family.

Family member name: Nelson F. Smith

Lifetime: 1859-1910
Tree branch: Smith
Relation: My 2x great-grandfather (my dad's mom's dad's dad's)

The lost story
My 2x great-grandfather, Nelson F. Smith grew up in a lighthouse.  Yes! A super cool, famous lighthouse called Chatham Light on Cape Cod.  My family was completely unaware of this until I found it through my family tree research.  But this was relatively recent family history, so how does information like this get lost?  Imagine the stories of storms and rescues and close calls!

Just to be clear, Nelson F. Smith was my grandmother's grandfather.  My grandmother just passed away a few years ago at the age of 98.  She never told us that her family had any connection to Chatham Light, even when we visited Chatham with her.  I don't think she knew.  How could she not have known?  Isn't fun family information passed down to the next generation?

1. Early death
Of course, early death is a major reason why stories don't get passed on to future generations.  Nelson Smith died in Boston at the age of 51 from complications of an infection in his heart.  He died five years before my grandma was born.

So grandma did not receive firsthand information from her grandfather.  However, why didn't her father, Charles Nelson Smith, tell her that HIS own father grew up in a lighthouse?  He may not have known either.  Why not?

2.  Separation
My great-great-grandmother Fannie Naomi was a single mom.  (She is the little girl in the tintype in my last blog post.) She and Nelson divorced at some point, which was very taboo at the time. She moved in with her brother, Francis Gibbs, in Fairhaven, Mass.  So my great-grandfather was not raised by his own father. Uncle Frank was the father figure in his life.  

The marriage of Fannie Naomi Gibbs and Nelson Smith did not get off to the best start.  They were married on Tuesday, March 22, 1887, and 4 months later (yikes! the #1 taboo at the time), little Charles was born on July 25, which is 133 years ago today. 

So, because of the unplanned pregnancy, the rushed wedding and subsequent divorce, Charles may not have had a substantial relationship with his own father, Nelson, and therefore never heard about his childhood in the lighthouse firsthand.

Charles Nelson Smith, my great-grandfather, sporting the world's best bow tie, may not have had a relationship with his father, who grew up in a lighthouse.

3. Hurt feelings
Was there bad blood?  Who divorced who?  Was Charles' father, Nelson, even mentioned at all in conversations?  Did he ever visit him?  Even if Charles knew about his father's childhood in the lighthouse, was there so much hurt that he didn't speak of him to his wife and daughter later in life?  We don't even have a picture of Nelson.

We don't know the circumstances of their relationship, marriage or divorce.  But since such a key piece of information in family history went missing so quickly, it must have been a combination of death, separation and hurt feelings that they just couldn't bear to repeat the stories of the lighthouse.

400 years since the Mayflower: Captain Shrimp

I'm so disappointed.  

The one thing that I've always known about my heritage is that I'm a descendant of those who came over on the Mayflower, the Pilgrims.  The only ancestor's name I knew for many years was Myles Standish and I was proud of that ancestry.

But I just read up on Grandpa Myles.  Sigh.

Family member name: Myles Standish
Tree branch: Smith
Lifetime: 1584-1656
Relation: My 10x great-grandfather (my dad's mom's dad's mom's mom's mom's mom's mom's dad's mom's dad's dad)

The good news

* Myles Standish was hired by the Pilgrims as a military adviser.  

* Admittedly, he agreed to go on a very dangerous journey across the ocean in 1620, from which many before him had not returned. And he stayed in Plymouth when he had the option to return.

* He did his job.  He protected them in many situations.  For example, he forced them to build a protective wall around the village and organized the men into a militia.
* He was loyal to the Pilgrims.

The bad news

* He was not a Pilgrim, but instead accompanied the Pilgrims.  He did not emigrate to the new world for religious freedom.  It was a job.

* He was very short.  He was called Captain Shrimp.  Yes.

* What a psychopath!  On one mission to defend another small European village called Wessagusset, he brutally killed one of the threatening warriors, and brought the head of another back to Plymouth and displayed it at the fort for months to come.  He did this because that Indian had insulted him beforehand.  These actions had negative consequences on the Colony and the friendly local Indians for years to come.

In summary, Captain Shrimp was a loyal, non-Pilgrim sadist.  But yes, he came over on the Mayflower, and he is my 10x great-grandfather.

Standish is a well-known name in Plymouth County, Massachusetts to this day.  Here are some pictures of when my dad and I visited in 2012.

Standish Monument and my dad.  Duxbury, MA

Plaque for the Myles Standish burying ground.

The gravestone of Myles Standish.  Died 1656, Duxbury, MA.

The paper trail of Alfred Sullivan

My mom never met her maternal grandfather.  When she was a child, she was told he had already passed away.  She didn't learn the truth until later.

Family member name: Alfred Vernon Sullivan
Tree branch: Sullivan
Lifetime: 1897-1960
Relation: My great grandfather (my mom's mom's dad)

Later, she learned that he had abandoned his young family and was never seen again.  That's all I knew growing up, and I believe that's all my mom knew too.

When I began my family tree research, the paper trail told the truth about what happened to Alfred V. Sullivan.  He, in fact, was still living when my mom was young.

After marrying Martha Goesch around 1919/1920, they had three children in eight years.  However, by 1930, their family was in shambles because of him.  Martha had contracted syphilis from Alfred and was put in an institution.  Instead of caring for his children, Alfred abandoned them.  On the brink of the Great Depression, the three young kids were split up and sent to live with aunts and uncles who loved them.

Sullivan family circa 1924. Alfred, Betty (my grandma), Martha and Lois.

Where did Alfred go?

His whereabouts are a mystery for 12 years. He disappeared.  He does not show up in records until 1942.

1928 - His youngest child born in Nebraska
1930 - Has already abandoned the family
1942 - Working for the WPA in Sheldon, Texas
1948 - Alfred is listed in his mother's obituary as living in San Francisco.
1960 - Death record, San Francisco.

Was Alfred aware that he had four grandchildren? His grandchildren were not aware that they had a living grandfather.  My mom was 12 years old when he actually died.

Why was mom told he was dead? Did they know Alfred would never be a part of their lives?  Did they even want him in their lives? He was definitely the black sheep. But I wonder what is worse?  Should you tell a child their grandfather died or should you tell a child he abandoned her mom and perhaps she may keep wondering if he would ever come back?  I just don't know.

Hate-evil

Tree branch: Pearson
Relation: My 7x, 8x and 10x great grandfathers

Good news:

1. I now have deep roots in New Hampshire.  Two of my ancestors were founding members of a town in 1640.  It's the town of Dover, which is right across the river from Kittery, ME.  However it was all part of Massachusetts to begin with, so that's even better news.  Phew!

2. I researched all the way back to my 10th great grandparents.  This is the same level as Myles Standish.  There are official town documents to back up the information all along the way.  We New Englanders never throw anything away.

3.  (I consider this next point good news.  This is debatable.) We have 3 generations of grandfathers with the first name of Hatevil.  Also written Hate-Evil.  Good Puritan men?  So you would think.

7th generation: Hatevil Hall, Jr.  (1707-1797)

8th generation: Hatevil Hall, Sr.  (1671-?)

10th generation: Elder Hatevil Nutter.  Can't beat that.  (1603-1674)

By the way, these Dover people are through Greenfield Pearson's line, the Maine part of the family. :)  My father's father's mother's father.

Bad news: 

Elder Hatevil Nutter did not like those who were not like him.  There is a documented story and poem about him instigating the whipping of 3 Quaker women.  Horrible.  I feel bad.

You can read this tragic event here:

https://www.dover.nh.gov/government/city-operations/library/history/the-whipping-of-the-quaker-women.html

Yet again, our family tree is full of surprises.

THE WHIPPING OF THE QUAKER WOMEN

In 1662 three young Quaker women from England came to Dover. True to their faith, they preached against professional ministers, restrictions on individual conscience, and the established customs of the church-ruled settlement. They openly argued with Dover's powerful Congregational minister John Reyner. For six weeks the Quaker women held meetings and services at various dwellings around Dover. Finally, one of the elders of the First Church, Hatevil Nutter, had had enough. A petition by the inhabitants of Dover was presented "humbly craving relief against the spreading  & the wicked errors of the Quakers among them". Captain Richard Walderne (Waldron), crown magistrate, issued the following order: "To the constables of Dover, Hampton, Salisbury, Newbury, Rowley, Ipswich, Wenham, Linn, Boston, Roxbury, Dedham, and until these vagabond Quakers are carried out of this jurisdiction, you, and every one of you are required in the name of the King's Majesty's name, to take these vagabond Quakers, Ann Coleman, Mary Tompkins, and Alice Ambrose, and make them fast to the cart's tail, and driving the cart through your several towns, to whip their naked backs, not exceeding ten stripes apiece on each of them, in each town; and so to convey them from constable to constable, till they are out of this jurisdiction". Walderne's punishment was severe, calling for whippings in at least eleven towns, and requiring travel over eighty miles in bitterly cold weather.On a frigid winter day, constables John and Thomas Roberts of Dover seized the three women. George Bishop recorded the follow account of events. "Deputy Waldron caused these women to be stripped naked from the middle upwards, and tied to a cart, and after awhile cruelly whipped them, whilst the priest stood  and looked and laughed at it." Sewall's History of the Quakers continues " The women thus being whipped at Dover, were carried to Hampton and there delivered to the constable...The constable the next morning would have whipped them before day, but they refused , saying they were not ashamed of their sufferings. Then he would have whipped them with their clothes on, when he had tied them to the cart. But they said, 'set us free, or do according to thine order. He then spoke to a woman to take off their clothes. But she said she would not for all the world. Why, said he, then I'll  do it myself. So he stripped them, and then stood trembling whip in hand, and so he did the execution. Then he carried them to Salisbury through the dirt and the snow half the leg deep; and here they were whipped again. Indeed their bodies were so torn, that if Providence had not watched over them, they might have been in danger of their lives." In Salisbury, Sergeant Major Robert Pike stopped the persecution of the Quaker women. Dr. Walter Barefoot, who was one of the company that went with the constable, dressed their wounds and brought them back to the Piscataqua, setting them up on the Maine side of the river at the home of Major Nicholas Shapleigh of Kittery.Eventually the Quaker women returned to Dover, and established a church. In time, over a third of Dover's citizens became Quaker.